Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Top 5 Worst Songs of 2010.

...and finally. The WORST of the WORST.

5 Scouting For Girls - This Ain't A Love Song
No it certainly ain't, it's a pile of mixed messages and fucking Mumford and Sons bollocks. I just don't get what they're trying to say. "This ain't a love song, this is goodbye?" Well fair enough. But why say that you're a "little bit lost without (her)"? And that you're a "bloody big mess inside"? I thought you were holding it together mate. Just a load of cliched balladic phrases over a dull backing track. Go figure.

4 We No Speak Americano - Yolanda Be Cool vs. DCUP
Has there ever been a more irritating track in the history of music? And has their ever been a beat that offended you more? Oh fuck off, you're making me want to put you in my "songs I shouldn't like, but..." list. Tosser.

3 The Time (Dirty Bit) - Black Eyed Peas
I would like to know if there's one original melodic element to this song. So far I can only find "Dirty Bit" followed by that electro house monstrosity. Crap, I think I like this one too. Moving on.

2 Cheryl Cole - Promise This
FINALLY, a track I'm actually sure I hate. The beat is horrible. The chorus is offensively forgettable. The suggestion it actually has personal meaning is hilarious. That sampled vocal hook is totally out of place and utterly irrelevant. And I think most of all, the video is the most pretentious thing. She does not have nearly enough diva status to even think about doing the "wind blowing past her floating body as she pulls the Jesus pose" gig. Seriously, enough's enough now, trot back to Girls Aloud pet and have another gander at that.

1 JLS - Club is Alive
There's no forgiving this. I can't even...

Well that was a relatively uncathartic affair. 2010 did have some fucking shit, but it's becoming so commonplace that I'm almost getting used to it, it's a scary prospect that 2011 could bring more of it. Anyway, that's the last I speak of bad music! Onwards and upwards!

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