Thursday, 22 December 2011


You'd think this would be an easy list to do, but no. Because, as you read in my last list... I actually secretly like some appalling shite. No, I had to really think about songs that became big when they REALLY didn't deserve it. I'm not talking irritating here, I'm not talking cheesy, I'm talking uninteresting, derivative, money grabbing C-R-A-P.

Of COURSE, this is subjective, and some of you may disagree with some of my choices (there are some widely loved songs on here, that I have failed many times to warm to), but as always... I have to get it out of my system.

-   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -

"Where Them Girls At?" (feat. Flo Rida & Nicki Minaj)
David Guetta

Nicki Minaj's verse saves this from being higher on my hate list, although it's sloppy for her standards . David Guetta and I have had a love/hate relationship all year, but Flo Rida and I have pretty much had a hate/HATE relationship all my life. David Guetta basically rehashes his previous abomination "Sexy Chick" (Bitch, whatever) with an even more wooden and cringey rapper featuring.

"Higher" (feat. Kylie Minogue)
Taio Cruz

I was never entirely sure who this song actually featured, because there's a version with Travis McCoy, and I swear I've heard a version with both Travis and Kylie. Well, it doesn't really matter, nothing could improve this blander than bland, meaningless dance track.

Just seen the video was posted in 2010, it feels like a 2011 track to me though. Besides, I've written my list, I've done enough reminding myself of bad music for one year.

The Wanted

I don't actually think The Wanted are a bad boy band. I just fail to see how "playing with Lightning" was ever actually a thing. As with "Glad You Came", "Lightning" is essentially another song about precisely fuck all, with even clumsier metaphors than before. "Gold Forever" wasn't bad, what happened to those songwriters?

"Don't Wanna Go Home"
Jason Derulo

Now, every time I hear that brilliant house bassline, a voice in the back of my head squeals "Jason Derulo!". He's a douche.

"Run For Your Life"
Matt Cardle

The poor bastard never really stood a chance. "Run For Your Life" sounds so tepid that even Leona Lewis would turn her nose up at it. For an X Factor winner, his music is distinctly lacking in every factor. Dull, soulless, irritating.

"I Need A Dollar"
Aloe Blacc

Why was this so popular!? For a song so desperate to become a "song of the people", it had the most uncreative lyrics. Like a guy at the job centre moaning about his "boss man" letting him go and scrounging off people on the street, begging "does anyone have a dollar I can borrow?" People might think they love this, but they don't.

"Black and Yellow"
Wiz Khalifa

A horrible mix of colours and an irritating song. There really is nothing else to say about this song, it's very popular, but that chorus hook just grinds into my head like a clamp.

"She Makes Me Wanna" (feat. Dev)

"It's Dev... and JLS" Oh fuck off. This dreary clich├ęd urban dance is to be expected of JLS, but to add insult to injury, adding some recycled toss about 'London to Jamaica' in there, and having Dev inexplicably turn up at the wrong party. the whole song is just a shambles.

"Stereo Hearts" (feat. Adam Levine)
Gym Class Heroes

I'm not a massive fan of GCH or Maroon 5, but the two of them together makes for a travesty of mediocrity. The lyric "My heart's a stereo" is bad enough, and it just escalates from there.

"Stay Awake"

What exactly does Example bring to the music industry? We have Calvin Harris, and no one needs a rewrite/ripoff of 2009's brilliant "Flashback", and we need even LESS for it to feature Example's trademark awful rapping and a fucking pointless watered down dubstep breakdown. Everything that could be good about "Stay Awake" he stole from other people, and everything that is TERRIBLE is just the essence of Example himself.

The main reason this is number 1 though? "Stick around, yeah, like elastoplast" ...and his smug face in the video when he says it.

"QUAAAT VAAATOOL" is another pet hate.

-   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -   -

RIGHT. No more bad music, I promise. Next week, my top 50 songs of 2011 countdown in 5, small, 10 track chunks, all the way up to new year.

No comments:

Post a Comment